(A Collaboration Fanfiction with JVM, Cartooncutie16 and Mutt)
Chapter 2: The Ultimate Showdown
“M’kay, you have to learn not to try to solve your problems like this, m’kay. You’re always gettin’ in to trouble. There are other ways to solve your problems, m’kay. M’kay, you may be a special case, but in the long run, you’re on the same level as all of the other kids, m’kay, you probably should be expelled at this rate, m’kay?”
“Sorry, Mr. Mackey” Craig replied as he flipped the bird.
“M’kay, did you just flip me off?”
“No.” Craig said as he got up, spun and ran out of the room.
“Yes you did! I see you! Come back here you little-” Mr. Mackey got up and chased him. After a brief pause, the door opened again and Ivy looked in.
“Oh great, this one’s empty.” Ivy ran in, locked the door and sat in the chair, and sighed. “Fucking Wendy and Bebe…” she mocked them, “Oh my god, these shoes are on sale? Oh, but they’re three-hundred dollars.. LET’S GET ‘EM!” She laughed at herself and decided to give Wendy a try, “Oh hi Stan. Oh, it’s okay Stan, I don’t mind getting barf all over myself constantly. Even though it’s fucking annoying as hell I loooooooooove you too much.” She laughed at herself again.
*-*-*-*-*
“Kahl, dude, you STILL haven’t touched your taco!”
“Shut up fatass!” Kyle yelled.
“Jeez, what have I ever done to you?” Cartman returned to his taco.
Kenny was talking to Stan “And so then I told Kelly ‘What CAN’T you do in a bed?’” Kyle meanwhile was looking down sadly. “Okay Kyle, you haven’t touched your taco, and seriously… it’s fucking Kosher and everything, so why the hell aren’t you eating?”
“I just don’t want to okay!” Kyle said angirly.
“…Oh, I see what this is about… it’s about Ivy isn’t it?”
“Shut up!”
“Kyle, if you like her, that’s fine dude, go talk to her or something though, don’t just sit there like an emo and not let anyone even know you’re feeling shitty,” Kenny dippled an apple slice into his apple sauce and ate it.
Kyle said lowly “Whatever, cheater.”
“Cheater?” Kenny raised an eyebrow.
“I know you like Wendy.” Kyle said.
“Shut up, Kyle!” Kenny said.
“What?” Stan looked shocked.
“I don’t like Wendy. I like Kelly.” Kenny said.
“Liar.” Kyle muttered.
“Dude, Jew, even I think that’s harsh.” Cartman said as he took a bite of his cupcake.
“You’re just saying that cause you like Wendy, too! I know all three of you do! I saw you moping around for two weeks after she kissed you in third grade! Stan, you’ve been dating her for ages! Kenny… fucking sicko… I’m not even going to say what I saw! Am I the only kid in the school who doesn’t like Wendy or Bebe? God! Screw you guys, I’m going home.” Kyle said as he ran out pissedly.
“Ay, that’s my line you Jewish son of a bitch!” Cartman said, sitting back down.
“Cartman?”
“Yeah, Stan?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
*-*-*-*-*
Kyle walked through the halls. Oh sure he passed Kevin and Red on the way, but they were more interested in each other than that Jewish kid at the other side of the hall… well, that’s what Kyle thought at least. He was going to leave the school. No more fatass. No more white trash. No more pussies. No more frenchies.
“Eho, hello there Kyle!”
Well, you can scratch no more frenchies out. Pip was standing there pushing a TV cart to the fifth grade classroom as Kyle passed by. “Hey Pip,” he forced out, ready to kill Pip, not quite having the heart to do so.
“Oh dear, what seems to be the matter?” Pip sensed Kyle’s anger. If there was one thing the optimistic french boy could do, it’s tell your feelings. He read you like a book.
Nobody liked Pip so it’s not like he could tell anybody. Kyle put his hands in his pockets, “Well, Pip, ya see, it’s a long story, but… I… I kinda like Cartman’s cousin. I dunno there’s just something about her. Maybe it’s how she really can be sweet even if she does make trouble. Maybe… maybe I’m just confused or something. I dunno.”
“But what about Rebecca?”
“Shut up Pip!” Kyle said, and he continued on.
“Right-o,” Pip said, visibly scared as he continued pushing the cart.
Kyle reached Mr. Mackey’s office and as he passed it he saw Jenny and Laurie by the door. “You can’t stay in there forever!” Silence. Jenny called in again, “C’mon Ivy, they can’t help it if guys think they’re hot. You think they asked for this?” Silence. “Ivy-”
“Ivy, we don’t wanna have to kick Mr. Mackey’s door down, grab you by the ass and pull you all the way back to the Lunch room ourselves…” Laurie said, before she got slapped by Jenny. “Ow, what’d I do?”
“Ivy’s in there?” Kyle approached.
“Yeah, she’s all pissed off ’cause all the guys were oogling Wendy and Bebe.” Jenny explained.
“…You two go back to Lunch, I’ll talk to her.”
“Well, if you say Kyle.” Jenny shrugged and Laurie followed her away, and Kyle barely heard the low whisper of, “He loves Ivy, doesn’t he? Ha.”
“Ivy,” Kyle said into the door.
Ivy had her arms crossed and eyes closed, trying to ignore him, her voice low so only she could her, “I’m not going to say anything to him. Not a word. Nothing.” She opened her eyes, “Yes, Kyle?” she mouthed out ‘Godammit Ivy’
“What’s wrong?”
“Don’t tell him anything, Ivy. He’s just some dumb guy,” she had her eyes closed and voice low again, “Why do all the guys oogle Wendy and Bebe? What about me, Jenny, Laurie, Red, Esther, Sally, Millie, Lola, Rebecca, Kelly… all the other girls?”
“…All the girls were getting oogled, the guys just like to oogle the girls who they think look best. It’s not all their faults… And besides, I think you’re pretty.”
Ivy got out of the chair, opened the door and looked at Kyle, “You really think so?”
“I don’t think so, Ivy, I know so. You’re prettier than all of them, even Rebecca.”
Ivy gave him a glare “Rebecca? You mean your slut girlfriend?”
“Soon to be ex-slut girlfriend.”
“Kyle Broflovski, are you hitting on me?” Ivy raised an eyebrow and had a small ‘Hahaha’ smile.
“Depends. Do you want me to hit on you?”
“Do you like hitting on me?”
Kyle rolled his eyes, “What do you think?”
“I think you do.”
“Well, I do.”
“Good now let’s KEEP it that way.”
“Can we go back to Lunch? Maybe we can sit together…” Kyle said nervously.
“I’m hungry. Take me to Lunch now,” she smirked. Ivy grabbed his hand, “And you have to hold my hand, or I’m going to kill you.” she said playfully. They began walking and passed Kevin and Red talking in front of their lockers, before they started walking back down. As soon as they were gone, Kevin and Red looked right at each other.
“I’ll tell the guys,” Kevin said.
“I’ll tell the girls.”
“Bye sweetie,” they both said and ran down to Lunch.
*-*-*-*-*
Kyle sat down on his side of the table and moved over so Ivy had some room and as soon as they did, Cartman burst out laughing. “What the hell?”
“PAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
“Cartman dude, what the hell is up with you?” Kenny asked.
“My cousin’s so desperate she has to date a JEW!”
“Cartman!”
“No seriously, she is so desperate for a guy she has to date a stupid fucking Jew!” Cartman barely held on to his seat, banging on the table. “I just can’t believe it!”
“Cartman, dude!” Kenny yelled.
“Dude, stop-” Stan began.
“Cartman, why don’t you just shut the fuck up for once in your god damn life?” Ivy closed her eyes and shook her fists.
Cartman seemed somewhat shocked yet at the same time just went back to it, “Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, I got you kind of! I got you kind-of!Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”
At that, Ivy punched Cartman in the face. “Hold him down, Kenny!” Stan called as Kenny ran to grab Cartman’s arms.
“No, don’t hold him down, I got him!” Ivy started punching Cartman’s cheeks, one, then the other, repeatedly. The entire Lunch room and got up and started cheering,
“FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!”
It wasn’t long before Cartman was bloody and crying, or long before Ivy was tapped on the shoulder by Mr. Mackey,
“Ivy Valmont, Eric, Stan, Kyle, Kenny, I need to see you all in the Principal’s Office, m’kay!?” he said, pulling Ivy off Cartman.
Tags: Bebe, Cartman, Ivy, John, Kenny, kyle, mutt, south park, Stan, Wendy
