(A Collaboration Fanfiction with JVM, Cartooncutie16 and Mutt)
Chapter 1: Math Homework and Oogling
Cartman, Stan, Kyle and Kenny got into their seats in the South Park Elementary Fourth Grade Classroom. “Oh hey guys. Shit, you get the math done?” Stan asked.
“Crap, I totally forgot.” Kenny said.
“I got it done.” Kyle said.
“Can we copy?”
“No!”
Their eyes went to Cartman, “Cartman did you get it done?” Stan asked.
“NO, I DIDN’T GET IT DONE, GET OFF MY BACK, ASSHOLE!”
“Jesus, what crawled up your ass and died?” Kenny asked.
“If you must know, my cousin came on Saturday, she’s staying with us.”
“Oh great another fatass to deal with,” Kyle rolled his eyes. The bell rang as he said this. Mr. Garrison walked in and dropped some books on his desk, then, breathing heavily, he spoke,
“Class, today we have a new student, please say hi to Ivy.” as he said this, a girl the boys’ age walked in, wearing a dark red coat with fingerless black gloves and black pants. She had long red hair going all the way down to her waist and a black hairband in it, with bangs, and a single electric blue streak down the right side.
“Hi Ivy,” the class said varying from whispering it (Kevin) to actually meaningful (Kyle) to fake (Cartman)
“Now Ivy, tell us about yourself.” Mr. Garrison said.
“Why do you wanna know?” Ivy looked up and gave Garrison a hateful glare.
“I don’t, it’s part of the school’s dumbass rules.”
“Screw that, asshole.”
“Well, why don’t you take a seat over by, uh, Kyle and Eric. Eric is your cousin, isn’t he?” as Mr. Garrison said this, the entire class gasped with surprise.
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll go sit by fatass and his friends.” Ivy sat in an empty seat, muttering, “Dumbass.” Mr. Garrison turned and began writing on the board while everyone turned to face Ivy. “What the hell are you all looking at?” Most kids turned back around.
“So you’re, uh, Ivy, is it?” Kyle asked.
“No, my name’s Paul Herman, I’m a chronic masturbator who lives in movie theaters.”
Cartman crossed his arms “…That’s Poison Ivy all right.”
“I told you not to call me that, fatboy.”
“At least I’m not an anorexic whore!” Cartman raised his voice.
“Well at least I can see my feet!”
“I can see my feet!”
“What color shoes are you wearing?”
“White!”
“They’re black!”
“Children, stop fighting, this is very important stuff!” Mr. Garrison turned and looked at them all. He then turned back around, “And so anyway, Buddha and Jesus decided to team up to destroy Manhattan in 1998, so they made that crappy Godzilla remake…”
“Wait, wait, hold on a sec… How the FUCK is any of that important? Buddha and Jesus don’t even know each other!” Ivy yelled out.
“Yeah!” Kyle added, while everyone else gasped.
“Dare you question Mr. Garrison’s teaching methods?” Cartman asked.
“…I did it like, three months ago!” John piped in.
“Nobody cares,” the entire class replied to him.
“Well, I can’t talk back, or I’m gonna get grounded.” Butters said.
“Nobody cares,” the class chimed again.
“That’s terrible, Butters,” Pip replied.
“Shut up Pip,” the class chimed in except for the OCs, the Melvins and Sally.
“This class is fucking insane.” Ivy said.
“Tell me about it.” Kyle added while there was bickering behind them about who was the biggest Melvin.
“No, really, I mean, just listen…”
“OH YEAH? WE’LL AT LEAST I WAS MADE UP BY SOMEONE WHO WENT TO COLLEGE!”
“What the hell is he even talking about?”
“I have no idea…” Kyle’s head sunk. “He’s your asshole cousin.”
“OKAY YOU KIDS, SHUT THE FUCK UP, IT DOESN’T MATTER IF THEY WENT TO COLLEGE OR NOT, THE OCS WOULD SUCK ANYWAY. BUTTERS IS THE BIGGEST MELVIN. NOW SIT DOWN AND THE SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Mr. Hat yelled from Garrison’s hand as Garrison looked in shock. “Mr. Hat, do we need to have another private talk?”
“Well, we won’t be doing a lot of talking!”
“Mr. Hat, are you coming on to me?”
“Mr. Hat, what are you-” Mr. Garrison was pulled out of the classroom by the puppet, “Mr. Hat what the hell are you - OH, MR. HAT!”
“I-I think I’m gonna be scarred for life,” Ivy sunk in her seat. Kyle scooched his to her’s.
“It’s okay, Ivy. He does that all the time. Just once you get used it to it, it’s not so bad…”
“Not so bad? HE’S BUTTFUCKING A PUPPET!”
“I bet Kyle loves to jerkin’ to that shit.” Cartman said.
“Shut up fatass,” Kyle and Ivy both said, before looking at each other and turning red.
“Hey Ivy,” Wendy and the other girls all approached, out of their seats.
“…Um, okay, who the hell are you?” as Ivy said this, suddenly the class was all staring again, at Wendy.
“Hey, back off my girlfriend!” Stan yelled and most of the guys obeyed. “You guys too!” They didn’t stop.
“Stan, relax.” Wendy said.
“But-”
“Stan, really.” Wendy gave him a stern look and he finally laid off, “Hey Ivy, do you wanna sit by all of us at Lunch?”
“Why would I want to do that?”
“Cause we’re the girls and you’re a girl and even if you’re a tomboy we don’t mind.”
“Hmmmm,” Ivy thought for a moment, “Eh, I don’t see what harm it couldn’t do.”‘
*-*-*-*-*
“Kyle, dude, you okay?” Stan asked.
“What? I mean, yeah, I’m fine.” Kyle stopped himself. “Why you ask?”
“You haven’t touched your taco.”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Kyle’s eyes wandered again.
“Oh, I see what this is about…” Kenny said.
“What?” Cartman asked his BFF.
“Kyle wants to fuck your cousin, duh.” Kenny took a bite out of his baloney sandwhich.
“No I don’t! Although she is… kind of… pretty… really pretty…”
“Ha,” Kenny took another bite, “Rebecca is not gonna be happy about this.”
Over at the girls’ table, all of the girls were doing various things. Wendy and Bebe were gossiping of course - while being oogled. Sally, meanwhile, was reading Charles Dickens’ Great Expectations, Heidi played with her food on the tray, and Red drew little pictures of the kids. Between Laurie and Jenny - who were both looking around - Ivy was playing a Nintendo DS game. “Watcha playing?” Jenny asked.
“Oh this? Just Mortal Combat. I picked it up on the way here.”
“You really fatass’ cousin?”
“Sometimes I wonder.”
“So, uh, we might as well introduce ourselves,” Jenny said.
“If you must.” Ivy barely looked at them as she played.
“I’m Jenny Graves. Kind of new here, moved up a few months ago. Yeah, me, John, Laurie and Dan are all new.”
“Yeah, I’m Laurie. Laurie Cunningham.” Laurie waved.
“You know me, I’m Ivy.” Ivy didn’t look away from the screen.
“Hey, that game looks cool,” Laurie said.
“I’m not good at fighting games, they’re kinda cool though, I like Laurie’s. John showed me a few, too.” Jenny added.
“Could I play a bit?” Laurie asked.
“Eh… Sure, I guess. Just don’t overwrite my saved game,” Ivy said as she passed Laurie the DS.
“Sweeet. Thanks.” Laurie said.
Ivy then looked up and took a quick look around. A lot of buys had their heads half turned to look at the girls, and she could tell without a doubt most of the eyes were on Wendy or Bebe. Of course their were exceptions… Cartman’s, of course, were on his beloved girlfriend, as were Kevin’s on his, and Pip’s was on his own crush. But overall, Wendy and Bebe were the eye candy.
“Okay, what the hell is up with all these guys?” Ivy said.
“What do you mean?” Wendy asked.
“Look at them! They’re all oogling you two! Perverts!”
“Awww, they’re just being friendly, Ivy.” Bebe turned and waved at some of the guys. Tweek nearly fell out of his chair.
“Uh, if being friendly means wanting to be in someone’s pants then oh yeah, friendliest guys I’ve ever met.”
“Ivy, they don’t wanna be in our pants…”
“THEY’RE LOOKING RIGHT AT YOUR TITS!” Ivy yelled as Bebe and Wendy looked at the guys and their chests to see if it was a reasonable claim.
“Ivy-”
“Screw you guys, I’m going home!” Ivy said, pointing at the door way and leaving.
“Hey, school’s not over yet!” Jenny chased her.
“Hey, I wanna be part of the plot, too!” Laurie chased.
To Be Continued…
Author’s Note: Reviews make us Happy Pandas No Reviews make us Emo Pandas SO REVIEW BITCH 
Tags: Bebe, Cartman, Ivy, John, Kenny, kyle, south park, Stan, Wendy
